Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The important thing to remember now is not to panic

It was Friday, November 25th, 2005. It’s hard to believe that’s almost five years ago now. At this time I was attending the University of Lethbridge in southern Alberta – three years before I met my fiancé Krista. This particular morning I woke up on the floor of my bedroom around eleven-thirty in the morning.

The night before there had been a party that a club in which I was a VP had thrown. I had been in attendance but there was very little I could remember. Things that were coming back to me were coming in spurts and were accompanied by jolts of shame and regret.

I crawled from my floor onto my bed and felt very, very sick and sorry for myself. I clutched one comforter tightly in my arms the other was in a ball on the floor and, although I couldn’t see it, I knew from one of my remorse-filled flashbacks it contained a fair amount of vomit.

This morning was the culmination of two weeks of wild and drunken behaviour. There had been fist fights, property damage, missed classes and ill-advised hook-ups. I was living on booze, Red Bull and dinner buns.

I slept the rest of the day away. I didn’t leave my room other than to shove the tainted comforter into the washing machine with half a bottle of laundry soap.

The next morning I got up early, had a much needed shower and left for Red Deer – home. I needed to get out of town for the balance of the weekend. It’s about a three and a half hour drive to Red Deer from Lethbridge.

When I arrived at the acreage I found my dad out in the yard installing a metal gate on the horse pasture. For years we had a standard barbwire drop gate. It turned out this metal one was on sale at Peavey Mart. I suspect because it had a kink in one of the cross bracings.

I spent the rest of the day helping dad with his project and relating the story of the previous two weeks.

I have a lot of great people in my life but I will never again have someone like my dad. He had the ability to both be critical and understanding at the same time. He enjoyed this particular conversation and took great pleasure in calling me an idiot repeatedly. I needed to hear that.

My father had the ability to be objective about any subject without being cold. There always had to be a foundation of an intelligent argument. From there we could have tangents but one had to acknowledge the situation stripped of emotion.

On this cold November day we had this type of conversation and worked through many of my current issues such as: women, school, alcohol and my responsibilities. That was only one of a million conversations we had over our time together. I really wish he was here today. Although he'd be really pissed I have been mucking around with his car.

I am way outside my comfort zone on this unemployment issue. I'm operating in a place I have never been before and it is getting hairy. I'll repeat for emphases, I have never been in a situation like this before. I have always been employed and employed at will. The kicker is that the one person I want to ask for advice and to whine to – is my dad and he is no longer here. I’m feeling mighty lonely.

The job market remains crappy here in Calgary and to make it worse next week university and college students join the party.

I have a lead on something that might be my salvation but it might be awhile before it kicks off and I have no idea what it involves or pays. But it’s my best prospect of the last two months - very sad.

I don’t have awhile. I don’t even have a little while. What I do have is an unfinished orange roadster and an upcoming wedding. I am a human stress ball. The only person more stressed then me is Krista and the car isn’t even on her radar -she's staring down the barrel of possibly marrying an unemployed guy. I think she might have left me before now if she didn’t need me to walk the dog.

But I push on in all the little ways I can. This week I received touch-up paint for the engine bay area. I ordered it off the internet. It’s from a company called AutomotiveTouchUp. I spray a little and it looks like a perfect match. I guess we’ll soon find out.

My streaked has ended with my appointed to get fitted for my wedding jacket here in Calgary this past weekend. It was a much needed break but makes me feel very apprehensive about my timeline. I hope to get to the car this weekend. I also hope the Lebaron and Toyota sell and the career thing gets resolved finally. Let’s move on to some new and exciting problems – these ones are getting old.

Stay tuned…

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